Two Months of Patience January 20, 2009

I’m not a patient person. I know that this may be shocking news for those of you who know and love me… okay, not so much.

My life is a waiting game right now. Waiting for Oasis. Waiting for visits from friends. Waiting to turn 35 (which I am really excited about). Waiting for the weather to agree with us so that we an leave the house. Waiting for my life to move forward.

Oasis told me approximately two months. Two months until a decision is made about my future, not that I am worried about placement. But, it’s going to be two months until I can make a move in any direction.

Then there’s the point of this venture where two months becomes a very short eight months. I’ve come to the point in this journey where I have decisions to make. I have recently made some new friends… people that I can’t imagine having to leave in eight months. I have found that I am unintentionally distancing myself from my good friends, the one’s that have been supporting and loving me for the past three years. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I don’t like it, and I don’t feel good about it. I have met someone that could really mean something to me… but have intentionally kept them at arm’s length to keep from hurting either one of us in the near future. This sucks.

I find that I am having to explain myself more and more. I find that I am doing things that are “out of character” for me. I find that I am more socially satisfied now than I have been in years. This is not to say that I have not enjoyed the people that I call family. I hope to rebuild these relationships and add to this family again and again.

Today I contacted a woman regarding pilgrimages that Evergreen is planning for 2009. She returned her email from India, stating that she is now living there and working with the schools and children in one of the cities. We exchanged several emails regarding my trip over this year. I found comfort in this, knowing that I am not the only one who is drawn to that part of the world for an obscure purpose. After these exchanges, I felt less alone in my reason.

All of this will turn into two years. Being gone. Missing my nieces grow up. They will almost be in Kindergarten when I get back. This brings tears to my eyes. Everyone keeps asking where I will go and what I will do when I return.

I don’t know.

I have two goals for my life. Go to India, and then come home and build a yurt. Other than these things, I have no plans. I’m okay with this for now. I’ve decided to not make any decisions. At least not yet.

Hillary Clinton January 16, 2009

Our soon to be Secretary Of State, Senator Hillary Clinton, had this to say
at her confirmation hearing:

As Secretary of State I view these issues (human trafficking)  as central to
our foreign policy, not as adjunct or auxiliary or in any way lesser from
all of the other issues that we have to confront. I too have followed the
stories: this is not culture, this is not custom, this is criminal… I’ve
also read closely Nick Kristof’s articles over the last many months on the
young women he’s both rescued from prostitution and met who have been
enslaved, tortured in every way: physically, emotionally, morally and I take
very seriously the function of the State Department to lead the US
Government through the Office on Human Trafficking to do all that we can to
end this modern form of slavery. We have sex slavery. We have wage slavery
and it is primarily a slavery of girls and women.

A Long Hot Soak January 11, 2009

I’ve had this terrible headache for the past 3 days. It simply won’t go away. I have tried napping, caffeine, chocolate, walking, fresh air, aspirin, ibuprofen, and Tylenol. To no avail… the headache remains.

Why the headache, you ask? Stress. Yes… I’m doing this to myself and now I am stuck with it.

I needed to clear my head. I needed a vacation from my thoughts.  So… I took a bath.

Thankfully, the commune master bath has a massive bathtub. Beth was kind enough to let me take a swim in it for a while tonight. I filled the tub with hot water and let Calgon take me away… It was the most calm that I have felt in weeks. 

There is so much going on lately…

We have a new person at work who is seemingly not able to retain any information what-s0-ever. After 5 weeks, she has literally retained nothing.

Oasis has finally received all of my application stuff. I have been informed that processing of my application and dealing with the overseas offices for placement will take approximately two months. This, of course, makes me nervous. Things are happening now. This is definitely a good thing.

I have met some really great people lately, while out doing the Raleigh MeetUp thing. I have started dating and have potentially met someone who I want to get to spend some time with. The only problem I have with this is that I don’t want to have some big, emotional relationship to worry about for the next nine months. Then worry about breaking something off later on.

I’m leaving in nine months. Nine months!! This thought just keeps going through my head over and over again. All of the things that I have been doing over the past 6 to 7 months are finally starting to pay off.

I’ve begun to realize that ‘crunch time’ is ontop of me. I have decided to put $1,000 a month into savings from here on out (something I planned on doing when I moved into the commune, but didn’t). This will put a dent in my social life… fortunately, the new friends that I have made understand that this is something that I need to do, and are willing to organize things that are cheap or free. This will be okay… and hopefully not as depressing at I anticipate.

Once I realized exactly what was on my mind (and soaked in hot water for about 45 minutes), I felt much better. My head seems to be clearing.

Deep breath. Deep breath.