Plague February 21, 2009

Over the past three days, nearly every member of the commune has come down with this nasty intestinal virus. While my intestine was not the biggest part of my illness, I was hit with the worst migraine that I have ever had and felt like I had been hit by a bus, followed by another bus.

All of this sickness got me thinking about how a family member of the commune has repeatedly joked with me about getting dysentery when I go overseas.

dys-en-ter-y:(noun) Pathology. an infectious disease marked by inflammation and ulceration of the lower part of the bowels, with diarrhea that becomes mucous and hemorrhagic.

Yeah, there was some dysentery in the commune this weekend… fortunately, not by me.

With this, I started digging around to see what other illnesses I should worry about in my travels:

ma-lar-i-a: (noun) Pathology. any of a group of diseases, usually intermittent or remittent, characterized by attacks of chills, fever, and sweating: formerly supposed to be due to swamp exhalations but now known to be caused by a parasitic protozoan, which is transferred to the human bloodstream by a mosquito of the genus Anopheles and which occupies and destroys red blood cells.

chol-er-a: (noun) Pathology. an acute, infectious disease, endemic in India and China and occasionally epidemic elsewhere, characterized by profuse diarrhea, vomiting, cramps, etc.

yellow fever: (noun) an acute, often fatal, infectious febrile disease of warm climates, caused by an RNA virus transmitted by a mosquito, esp. Aedes aegypti, and characterized by liver damage and jaundice.

meningococcal meningitis: (noun) a life-threatening infection of the fluid and tissues surrounding the brain, caused by a bacterium known as Neisseria meningitides. The infection is spread person-to-person by exposure to secretions from the nose or throat.

This is all kind of scary, as I think that I fear illness, so far from home, more than anything else. I know that I will be surrounded by a support system. I know that healthcare will be available. I am not worried about this. I’m not the best sick person. I’m a big baby when I’m sick. I call mom. I depend on others to help take care of me. Just one more thing to deal with.

Limbo February 17, 2009

Today I had several email exchanges with Madelaine, from Oasis UK. I had originally emailed Madelaine to ask about how to go about starting my fund raising process. However, we are at a slight stand-still right now because I have not been assigned a placement yet.

There is no position available working with children right now in India, so Madelaine has advised me to hang tight and wait. She is currently checking out a position in Bangladesh.

Madelaine also advised me that she found my blog today. This is especially funny to me since I wrote about my interview a few weeks ago. I was flattered to be told that I remind Madelaine of her American friends. I look forward to meeting her.

Bombay Life Center February 13, 2009

My friend, Michelle, sent me this video that shows the kids who benefit from the Bombay Life Center. Check it out!!

http://www.vimeo.com/1955876

Figuring It Out (At Least This Part) February 9, 2009

l’arte d’arrangiarsi:  (Italian) the art of making something out of nothing.

 

I have been reading the book Eat Pray Love. I’m barely a quarter of the way through the book, and I feel like Elizabeth Gilbert is writing about my life. Her desire to travel, to absorb culture, to learn languages, to eat local foods… Gilbert is living the life that I have been too afraid to live. She’s living the life that I am starting to live. This is an amazing feeling.

The communal family came home from a week in Alaska last night. I really missed them… not just because of the craziness of what’s happened in and out of the house since they have been gone, but because they have truly become my family. I really missed Claudia… much more than I believed that I would. When I got home from work tonight, she sought me out and gave me a hug. At dinner tonight, she pulled me near her so that she could whisper in my ear. “I love you”. I melted, and whispered “I love you too” and kissed her head. The melting continues two hours later. I’ve lived with this kid for six months, and finally feel like I have a bond with her. She begged me to play Wii with her… and I kicked her little ass (but not intentionally). We had fun and did victory dances and bumped hips. It was a good time.

Claudia make me really think about my future sometimes. Two years ago, I believed that I was going to marry and have children with the man that I was in love with. I was living in a dream world. I go back and forth. Did I really want children? Or did I want the security of having this family?

Today, I read these words that Gilbert printed:

I still can’t say whether I will ever want children. I was so astonished to find that I did not want them at thrity; the remembrance of that surprise cautions me against placing any bets on how I will feel at forty. I can only say how I feel right now–grateful to be on my own. I also know that I wont go forth and have children just in case I might regret missing it later in life; I don’t think this is a strong enough motivation to bring more babies onto the earth… Not all the reasons to have children are the same, and not all of them are necessarily unselfish. Not all the reasons not to have children are the same, either, though. Nor all the reasons necessarily selfish.

After reading this today, I realized that I have made a good decision. I realized that I am not the only person who has wondered about this decision. My mother thinks that this is a sudden decision. She has reminded me (several times) that I am not getting any younger. But she “knows women in their forties who have babies all the time”. (Thanks, Mom.) This is not to say that I won’t want to adopt later down the road, or even meet the right person and want to start a family. Right now is not a good time. For me, it’s the absolute wrong time. Wrong time for kids. Wrong time for relationships. Wrong time for distractions.

In all of this planning, purging, reorganizing, thinking, crying, mourning, excitement, and fear, I have made one decision. This work that I’m getting ready to do… I feel more confident in making the decision to do this than I have ever felt in anything else ever in my life.

 

THIS IS RIGHT.

 

I had something. It didn’t work out. I had nothing. I’m making stuff happen. It feels good.

The Interview February 5, 2009

At 8 a.m. this morning, I sat on the couch in the living room of the commune. My attire? Superman pajama pants and my comfy Evergreen T-shirt. I was equipped with my notebook, a pen, and a cup of coffee in one of the new huge mugs that Na (Beth’s mom) had recently purchased.

 

My cell phone rang at 8:06. Madelaine and Nikki had me on speaker phone, while they sat in the Oasis London office… and my interview began. Everything that I had been dreaming about, losing sleep over, worrying myself to death about… it was all coming down to this phone call.

 

I feel like it all went really well. Later this morning, while I was at work, I received an email from Madelaine saying that they were happy to have spoken with me. They had a position in mind for me. However, since they spoke to me, and learned of my passion for children, they may have another position or two in mind. They asked me to review the original position that they had thought of.

 

I was happy that they no longer wanted me to do this position. It was mostly administrative… not much different from what I do here in the States. I would be assembling a database of missing women and children, working closely with police in Mumbai and/or Bangalore. Not what I had in mind when I signed up for this thing in my head.

 

Admittedly, God and I have been at odds lately. I felt like She was abandoning me. I felt like She was taking a break from me, which honestly didn’t bother me. Every relationship needs a break once in a while. Lately, when I would talk about Oasis, and of my desires to travel to India, I have found that I think more and more about children. Would I be abandoning my original position of being a hardcore advocate for justice of trafficking victims? Or, would I be doing more of what God had originally planned for me, by working with kids… something that I have always been good at?

My major problem with the world is a problem of scarcity in the midst of plenty… of people starving while there are unused resources… people having skills which are not being used. ~Milton Friedman

Now, I’m back to waiting again.
I am so excited about what is to come in the next six months.

Phone Interview February 3, 2009

Good news on the Oasis stuff.

I received an email this morning saying that the Oasis staff wants to set up a phone interview with me for this Thursday morning. So, I will need to take the morning off to do this… Yeah, I’m okay with this.

Prayers and happy thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks to all for the constant support.

Loss February 1, 2009

I think that I have become selfish… maybe too selfish? I’m not entirely sure.

 

Today I lost something really important to me. I don’t really know how to deal with this… So, basically I have just been crying and super grumpy. I may have lost this thing because I was honest. I may have lost this thing because I became selfish. I may have lost this thing because I decided to embrace a freedom that I have been smothering for as long as I can remember.

 

For the first time, in a really long time, I’m living. I have found people that are able to relate with me and my inner quarrel. For this, I will not apologize.

 

Today, I mourn. Tomorrow, I will live again.